sosteph blogging at elowel.org
I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in to stop my mind from wandering.

That song has been in my head for the past 2 days, and it won't stop! I haven't even listened to Sgt. Pepper's lately. Crazy.

I just had a discussion with a certain someone yesterday about the dangers of blogging, and I thought I'd blog about it. Ironic?

I think it's so interesting how us kids in this new "digital age" are SO obsessed with technology. iPods, computers (mac or windows - the never-ending debate), cell phones. Emails, text messages, blogs. Instant messenger, mp3s, digital cameras. What would we do if not for technology?

Think about it. Imagine a day in which you wake up, but don't have a cell phone to check. All you have is good old-fashioned caller ID (which even this is a relatively new invention) to see if anyone called. But noone did call, because it's not like you can put your phone on vibrate, and turning off a landline is almost unheard of. You don't have a computer to check your AIM or your daily stocks or your email. All you have is the newspaper and your mailbox. You leave for school and make the walk to your classes, enjoying the fresh air and thinking about the long day ahead of you instead of immersing yourself in Ben Folds or Fallout Boy or Led Zeppelin. You go to class, no phone accidently going off in your backpack. You eat lunch, either with friends or alone with your book, instead of busy on your laptop.

Now I know that I am generalizing here, not everyone is guilty of all of the above . And although I don't have a computer or an iPod, it's not as if I am completely innocent. I have always felt deprived and a little left out without these things. And I am a text messaging fiend (although I hate myself for it). But my point is, I wonder where this ridiculous abundance of convenience is going to lead us.

Where will we be in 10 years? or 20? What kind of technological advances will have been made when we are wearing Depends? It all really makes me wonder and worry for the future of our country. Although in some ways it is a good thing.. the ability to be able to get live news coverage from halfway across the globe, for example. But for the most part, I don't like where this is heading.

I suppose my only piece of advice is this: Watch what you say in your blogs or in your text messages or in your emails. This information will forever be engrained into the minds of one harddrive or another, and after hitting the "submit" button, there is no turning back. And you never know who is reading. Trust me, I know from experience.

It's cold!!! It's really really really really really really cold!

I have to write a verse for a 12-bar blues song this weekend. Maybe I'll write about the groundhog and how I HATE him. I'm not even one to complain about the weather too much, but I'm being a puss today.

On a more optimistic note: Coldplay is on Monday!!!!!!!!!! (and Fiona Apple!)
Happy Love Day. 02-14-06 21:53
To all pessmists/Valentine's Day haters/parade-rainers:

Valentine's Day IS a holiday, whether you like it not, so deal with it. And why not make the best of it? Tell someone, anyone, that you care about them. Today is the day when you don't have to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about it. Share some love, put a smile one someone's face! Don't rain on people's parades just cuz you're jealous or lonely or sad. Just try to saturate yourself with the love that is obviously all around you. I honestly can't see what's so bad about having one day out of the year dedicated to the only thing that makes the world go 'round. I can CERTAINLY think of a lot of worse things we could celebrate. I really like Valentine's Day, and I am single and free as a bird. I suppose you have to be ok with being single in order to understand what I'm saying.

Oh well, you sourpuss's are never gonna change.
Today was my birthday, and I believe this may have been the best birthday I've ever had.

Growing up, I always had birthday parties - really cool ones at that - DZ Discovery Zone, Chuck-E-Cheese's, ice skating, roller skating, or maybe just a slumber party at my house. But there was almost always some price to pay at the end. I would have to clean up, or my dad would be mad at me for some reason, or I'd have to get up and do my damn paper route.

But today, today was different. It was much less eventful, Old Chicago being the only planned event of the day, but it was just such a GREAT day and I really felt like I had a lot of good friends that really really care. Yes, Facebook reminds you of birthdays, but it was so nice that people took time out, if not more than 30 seconds, to let me know they remembered. And I got calls from everyone I would have wanted to (with the exception of a couple people, but not a big deal). I don't want to sound like I'm bragging.. I am just SO grateful.

And it was so wonderful that so many people joined me for my birthday feast at Old Chicago. Almost every single love boy came (with the exception of 2) and Dana and Jos. God, that was so fun! I was amazed that we were actually able to pull this off and find a time, on the actual date nonetheless, in which everyone was able to attend. Thank you all soo so much for coming - I really hope they all know how much it meant.

I loved today, and I love ALL OF YOU, Love 2 boys!!! (That counts Liz, Lizz, Kristin and Sarah, obviously.)

P.S. Added bonuses: Fucking kick-ass presents!
-coffee maker, filters and coffee included (finally!)
-Beatles movie (finally, the start to my collection!)
-black flats (finally!)
-a cd mix that ROCKS
-a bookmark that ROCKS even harder.
Thoughts on my mind lately...

-I love James Blunt. Love love love love love him. I would marry him if I had the chance just so he could sing to me every day.

-I have realized, like Mikey, that in order for me to be completely functional and not falling asleep in my morning classes, I need some sort of caffeine. I had none today, and I was literally dozing off all day.

-My classes are all going really well :-D

-I've been worried about a couple different friends lately, but I am so glad that I have been able to be trustworthy and there for them to vent to. I think, just maybe, that I might end up being a help through my listening ear and "counseling" of sorts, and things will turn out okay.

-I am blessed and lucky in this world, and I am really trying to no longer take for granted the things that are good in my life. I truly have a lot to be thankful for - the opportunity to go to school, fantastic friends both near and far, a good steady job, opportunities right and left for me to broaden my culture (which I am trying to take advantage of), nice weather in January, a good wardrobe that although I may complain about is really not bad, a healthy body. See, there is so much to be thankful for!

Tomorrow I'm going to a seminar or discussion or something like that about porn and whether it has had a positive or negative effect on our nation. It's being held by the Campus Crusade for Christ, so I'm hoping it's nothing like "Pornography is BAD and you should all worship Jesus!!" but if it is I'll probably just duck out the back. I'm excited for it though!

As for today, I will be doing my laundry, cleaing my room (finally!), working out for the first time since Friday (aaaagh!), maybe catching up on some homework.. It'll be a good day.

P.S. For my speech class, I have to give an informative speech in a couple weeks. Our topics are due on Thursday, and it can truly be about ANYTHING. I have some ideas, but none I'm too thrilled about. Anyway, I NEED IDEAS! Let me know what you think. Like I said, it can be about ANYTHING in the whole world.. herpes, horses, the huskers, your mom.. anything. What say you?
I haven't been this happy in a long time. I feel like I am FINALLY getting everything in my life in order. I'm so excited for this semester that I can hardly contain it. Not taking classes sucked. For those of you who aren't aware, no, I didn't take classes last semester. Long story short, I couldn't pay my bill off and the U dropped me from my classes a week before school started. I know I lied to a lot of people about it, only a select few knew, but it was not something I wanted to discuss with anyone. Everyone says that college would be so much better without the classes, and maybe it would be if you had no ambition, but let me tell you, it is not as exciting as it sounds. It was really fun for the first few weeks, I'll even give it a couple months maybe, but it's not AT ALL worth it. I feel so damn productive now, and I LOVE IT!!!

In other news...
I met someone that I like so much it scares me. We had the most incredible conversation today and I can't believe how hard and how fast I am falling for him. He's everything I could possibly want in my life at this point. I was this [] close to telling him that tonight, but I just couldn't let myself get the words out. I'm so afraid of becoming vulnerable, but I think, although I am falling, I'm allowing myself to fall at a good pace. He's so amazing I can't even describe it.

Now this might sound cruel, but I was thinking about it, and I realized that when I was with Eric it was because I didn't know what I wanted. I was with him because he was the first guy to really give me attention and really treat me like a good boyfriend does. And he was a good boyfriend. And I did love him. But this.. After playing the field a bit, dating around, meeting a bunch of different guys, I have come to realize many of the things I actually want in a relationship. My standards have gone up and I've become much pickier. And this guy is just... perfect. I honestly can't think of anything I don't like about him except the fact that he snores a bit. haha. Is this real? I am having a hard time believing that this is actually real. I'm so afraid it's going too damn good to be true. I want him to be my boyfriend, but at the same time, I'm glad to not yet use that term with him. Agh, I'm so scared. But at the same time, I am so happy.

I also feel like I'm finally getting my finances worked out. It'll still take a bit of time, but with the exception of Matt, I should be able to get everything else paid off in the next couple weeks. And that is the biggest relief of all. It has been the worst burden on my shoulders for so long, and if I am able to pay this shit off, that will just make my heart even lighter. Noone really knew, but I was EXTREMELY stressed out for the last 3 months or so (Octoberish through 3 days ago). I was depressed and angry at myself and pissed at the world. Even Liz and my sister weren't aware of the way I was feeling, and that fucking sucked, having to hold everything in. I knew I didn't have anyone to blame but myself, for the most part, and that's why I did hold everything in. I didn't want to be lectured and I didn't want to hear that I had done something wrong because I knew I had and I honestly was too much of a puss to face the facts.

I feel like I've been given a second (or third) chance and I need to take full advantage of that opportunity. I need to get everything else straightened out - And I'm almost there, thank God.

And the final good thing? Buns of steel. Thighs of steel. "Super Stomachs!" Liz and I are getting into an exercise routine and that's just the best bonus I could have asked for. Exercising, working out, all that shit makes me feel ALIVE! as lame as that sounds. I am going to be a lean, mean, sucka-punching machine. Thank you, Goodwill, for your somewhat-satisfactory selection of 80's work-out videos.

All in all, everything in this post is the honest-to-God truth. It's so good to vent, especially a good vent. I haven't felt this at peace in probably half a year and I hope whoever is reading this doesn't mind me sharing.

Goodnight, young things, and a happy first week back I wish to you all. <3
....... 01-06-06 11:15
I am finally registered. Finally. 13 credit hours at the moment, but I'm registered. AND I got all the classes I REALLY need to take this semester but one. And I'm registered. This is the best feeling. I am seeming very calm, but inside I feel like a cannonball.

That man over there is looking at slutty girls on myspace and it's creepy.

My hair is just a big mess.

I'm registered.

Classes start in 3 days and that scares the poop-shit out of me, but I'm registered. I'm taking classes.

HEY. Guess what? I'm registered.
A quick post before I get some MUCH needed sleep. Why is it much needed? Liz and I stayed up the entire night chatting, watching A Hard Day's Night, going to Taco Bell, making lists about our boys. It was the best night.

Today we went to North to see teachers, and it was wonderful!! Seeing my old educators just put me in a great mood. They are so happy, and they seem so interested in everything. The highlight of the trip was seeing Mr. Ahern. The highlight of that trip was finding out that he - a 33 year old man - is dating a 23 year old girl who is YOUNGER than my Ben, who will be 24 this month. How WEIRD is that? and hilarious at the same time.

That's my exciting story for the day. Now, to sleep. Mmmmmm.
And time is on my side 12-28-05 13:10
I have spent soo much money on myself in the last few days. It's celebratory shopping, that's my excuse. And now I feel like I have a whole new wardrobe, which is the best feeling EVER.

And why am I celebrating, you ask? I'll tell you why! I've been freaking out for months about my school bill.. I was worried out of my mind that I wouldn't get it paid off in time for next semester. But YOU KNOW WHAT? It's paid off!!!!!!!!! Thanks to you, Matthew Seem. So yes, I owe some people a lot of money, but for now, I just needed to buy myself some things.

I had a fantastic trip to Omaha. Christmas was family-filled and wonderful. I never really thought I'd put those 2 words in the same sentence - family-filled and wonderful - but I tell you, Christmas was both.

THEN I got to see my favorite girls, I got to spend time with my favorite name-twin, watch Sex and the City, Crash, A Sexual Life, drink amaretto sours, play with my new "plug 'n' play," shop, stay up until the wee hours of the morning talking about boys. It was great, and much needed. And next week, I get to do some of the same things! Wee!

Tonight is the Huskers' bowl game! I'm quite disappointed that I won't be able to watch it (work, of course) but I am hoping and praying that they win.

I'm going on a date tomorrow with Ben, the 23-year-old. Here's what he planned out: he's picking me up at 12, we're going to go to the capitol building to walk around inside it, then we're going to go to Wasabe! for lunch. I'm scared to try the sushi, but I'm all for it. It should be a good day :)

I think I'll go clean or read or just do some sudokus. Adios!!!!
Happy Christmas Eve!

I got all my Christmas shopping done this afternoon!! I have spent nearly $300 on gifts, which is a shit ton of money, but I'm excited to shower my friends and family with presents. I spent waaaaay too much money on my friends, but I'm not gonna fret about it. I have yet to wrap anything, but that's what tonight will be for I suppose... after work of course.

Work should actually be fun. I'm hosting, so I get to dress up! Plus, we get steak dinners and shots on the hour for working the holiday!

I want to break free. I want to break free. I want to break free from your lies. You're so self-satisfied. I don't need you. I've got to break free...

I LOVE QUEEN!

I'm totally in the Christmas spirit now.. That's because I'm a good old-fashioned lover boy.

Give me your bah-day!

RKR called me last night.. a couple different times, once being a drunk dial of course. But I'm beginning to like my new 23-year-old friend a lot. We went to breakfast at The Green Gateau this morning, which was very very nice. I haven't dated in 2 months or so (with the exception of the past week or 2), so I'm just enjoying the company. And I'm being very good about taking things slow.

I'm in the best mood I've been in a while. Yay, Christmas spirit! Thank you, Jesus. And now for getting ready for work.. !

I hope you ALL have a very very merry Christmas and get everything you ever hoped and dreamed for! Mucho amor para su, mis amigos.

P.S. I LOVE driving! I think it might be time for me to turn my driving into something legal, perhaps? :-D

P.P.S.
Tonight I’m gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive and the world turning inside out yeah!
And floating around in ecstasy
So don’t stop me now don’t stop me
’cause I’m having a good time having a good time

I’m a shooting star leaping through the sky
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I’m a racing car passing by like lady godiva
I’m gonna go go go
There’s no stopping me

I’m burning through the sky yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That’s why they call me mister fahrenheit
I’m trav’ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

Don’t stop me now I’m having such a good time
I’m having a ball don’t stop me now
If you wanna have a good time just give me a call
Don’t stop me now (’cause I’m havin’ a good time)
Don’t stop me now (yes I’m havin’ a good time)
I don’t want to stop at all

I’m a rocket ship on my way to mars
On a collision course
I am a satellite I’m out of control
I am a sex machine ready to reload
Like an atom bomb about to
Oh oh oh oh oh explode

I’m burning through the sky yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That’s why they call me mister fahrenheit
I’m trav’ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic woman of you

Don’t stop me don’t stop me
Don’t stop me hey hey hey!
Don’t stop me don’t stop me ooh ooh ooh (I like it)
Don’t stop me don’t stop me
Have a good time good time
Don’t stop me don’t stop me ah

I’m burning through the sky yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That’s why they call me mister fahrenheit
I’m trav’ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

Don’t stop me now I’m having such a good time
I’m having a ball don’t stop me now
If you wanna have a good time just give me a call
Don’t stop me now (’cause I’m havin’ a good time)
Don’t stop me now (yes I’m havin’ a good time)
I don’t want to stop at all!
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